{"id":388,"date":"2023-03-27T22:43:11","date_gmt":"2023-03-27T22:43:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/tovaabelmantherapy.com\/?p=388"},"modified":"2023-06-02T17:43:57","modified_gmt":"2023-06-02T17:43:57","slug":"how-overthinking-can-create-relationship-problems","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/tovaabelmantherapy.com\/index.php\/2023\/03\/27\/how-overthinking-can-create-relationship-problems\/","title":{"rendered":"How Overthinking Can Create Relationship Problems"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image aligncenter size-large is-resized\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/tovaabelmantherapy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/HipstamaticPhoto-589822828.548847-1024x767.jpeg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-392\" width=\"768\" height=\"575\" srcset=\"https:\/\/tovaabelmantherapy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/HipstamaticPhoto-589822828.548847-1024x767.jpeg 1024w, https:\/\/tovaabelmantherapy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/HipstamaticPhoto-589822828.548847-300x225.jpeg 300w, https:\/\/tovaabelmantherapy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/HipstamaticPhoto-589822828.548847-768x575.jpeg 768w, https:\/\/tovaabelmantherapy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/HipstamaticPhoto-589822828.548847-1536x1151.jpeg 1536w, https:\/\/tovaabelmantherapy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/HipstamaticPhoto-589822828.548847-2048x1535.jpeg 2048w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 768px) 100vw, 768px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>Does any of this sound familiar:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>You&#8217;re constantly wondering why your partner or the person you&#8217;re dating hasn&#8217;t texted you back&#8230;and becoming increasingly anxious as your mind jumps to all kinds of negative conclusions&#8230;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>You experience uncertainty related to your partner and\/or your relationship as very difficult to tolerate&#8230;and end up taking actions in an attempt reduce uncertainty, even if those actions, at times, cause discord in your relationship<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Find yourself ruminating a lot about your partner and your relationship, and treating all those thoughts, including the negative ones, as truths&#8230;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Our minds are amazing. They give us the ability to learn from the past, envision a beautiful future, derive a sense of self and meaning, be creative, and so much more. Thinking, however, can also fuel distress. Too much rumination, dwelling on a past that cannot be changed, excessive worry about a future, a need for certainty in an inherently uncertain universe can create painful emotional experiences, seemingly limit options and possibilities, and, when acted upon, possibly lead to destructive self fulfilling prophecies. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Imagine you are in this scenario: You&#8217;ve been dating someone for a few months, and things seem to be going well. You decide it&#8217;s time to disclose something personal, something vulnerable, something you don&#8217;t typically share. You decide to be courageous and take a risk: you text your partner about it. No response. Two hours later: no response. A long time goes by and you have no response. What do you imagine your mind would be doing? Like many minds, it would perhaps be creating a narrative, some kind of explanation for your partner&#8217;s behavior. It would try to <em>make sense <\/em>of what was happening, with limited information. The alternative, to <em>be with<\/em> rather than <em>think about<\/em> the experience is generally not what most people do. And, what kind of explanations does your mind come up with? Some people&#8217;s minds might generate <em>negative<\/em> explanations: feel shame towards themselves (&#8220;I shouldn&#8217;t have shared that&#8221;), maybe anger towards their partner (&#8220;they are insensitive and are just ignoring me! They don&#8217;t care about me!&#8221;). Other people might have more positive, kind thoughts: &#8220;Maybe something happened to my partner&#8221; or &#8220;They must be busy, I&#8217;m sure they&#8217;ll respond later&#8221;.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Uncertainty can be very uncomfortable. It is a liminal space. Many experiences we would prefer not to have can show up here: Inadequacies, self doubt, and fears of losing your partner may be unveiled in a liminal and uncertain space. Rather than experience and just be with what is happening, as it unfolds, many people turn to overthinking as a way to avoid the discomfort of uncertainty. This is common and totally understandable! When we turn to thinking as a way to avoid an unsettling experience, we cut ourselves off from experiencing it and learning more about what within ourselves has been triggered. Turning to overthinking as a strategy to manage discomfort in a relationship can fuel negative thoughts that, when acted upon as truth, become self-fulfilling prophecies that push your partner away as you lash out at a perceived slight.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Practices that can support being with what unfolds rather than overthinking it include:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Learning effective ways to communicate wants and needs<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Nourishing yourself with nutritious foods and restful sleep to help support emotion regulation<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Embodied practices that support a mind-body connection<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Adopting an attitude of curiosity and exploration towards your emotional experiences<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Doing the opposite of what intense emotions are pulling you towards, especially if it involves lashing out at your partner<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Finding effective practices to self soothe and regulate emotions<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Giving and taking healthy space in your relationship<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Understanding your and your partner&#8217;s attachment styles<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Does any of this sound familiar: Our minds are amazing. They give us the ability to learn from the past, envision a beautiful future, derive a sense of self and meaning, be creative, and so much more. Thinking, however, can also fuel distress. Too much rumination, dwelling on a past that cannot be changed, excessive [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":392,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-388","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationships"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/tovaabelmantherapy.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/388","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/tovaabelmantherapy.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/tovaabelmantherapy.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tovaabelmantherapy.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tovaabelmantherapy.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=388"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/tovaabelmantherapy.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/388\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":397,"href":"https:\/\/tovaabelmantherapy.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/388\/revisions\/397"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tovaabelmantherapy.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/392"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/tovaabelmantherapy.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=388"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tovaabelmantherapy.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=388"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tovaabelmantherapy.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=388"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}